About Us & Contact Us 

CJKIDZ Siblings

Sibling Rivalry

She did it! He hit me! I'm telling! That's mine! He has more!

My favorite was "She's smiling at me". I used to say "then smile back!" LOL

Although sibling rivalry is normal and offers an opportunity to teach skills needed to live in the world and deal with future relationships...it can wear you out. It is frustrating and upsetting to watch (and hear) your kids fight with one another. A household that's full of conflict is stressful for everyone. But it can be hard to know how to stop the fighting, and or even whether you should get involved at all. You can take steps to promote peace in your household and help your kids.

The key is teaching your kids how to resolve a conflict in a positive way. Since children mimic what parents do, be a good role model. Show by example how you resolve conflicts as parents with each other and with your own siblings and family members.

Teach kids that hitting and aggressive behavior is NOT OK and it is time to intervene, but don't take sides. Separate them until they've had time to calm down. Then, let each child express their feelings (books on Feelings (Sad, Scared, Worried, etc.) and don't try to talk them out of their feelings. Show them how to use their words without name-calling, shouting or hitting. Reading books together about hitting and agrressive behavior can help explain to kids it is wrong (kids want to act or not act the same way their favorite characters on tv and in books do). See the section on temper tantrums and discipline On our help with kidz page.

Set your kids up to cooperate rather than compete (race the clock in picking up toys rather than each other). See some products on Teamwork

Create fun activities to do together to build a bond. When conflict sets in kids are more willing to work out with someone they care about. Family Fun Games to play together.

Don't compare children (your sister always cleans her room, why don't you?, your brother is good at soccer, why don't you want to play?)

Be fair, but don't buy into the fact that everything needs to be "equal". Older and younger children have different responsibilities and privledges because of their age.

Allow each child has their own time (with you, their friends, or by themself) as well as have things that are just theirs and not be shared.

Teach kids it's ok to get mad, be jealous of their brother or sister now and then. Read humerous stories about sibling rivalry together (see books below) and then use it as an opportunity to discuss it. More books & products on Sibling Rivalry, Big Brother/Sister, Welcoming new baby (explaining)  

When a new sibling is coming home, include the older child when caring for the baby. Say, "I'm going to change Ava's diaper. Do you want to bring your doll and diaper her too?" Or when it's time to feed the baby, tell the older child, "I'm going to feed Ava now. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat now too?"  

If there are specific issues like tattling (see Tattle Tale) or Sharing (see Manners) use books as a tool to explain what is right/wrong.

Helpful article on How to End Sibling Feuds

Welcoming and Celebrating a New Sibling

See the books and t-shirts for welcoming a new baby into the family.

Have a "big brother/big sister" party.

A few weeks before the baby's arrival, mom and dad can throw a party for their child. The party only needs a few guest....mom, dad and of course "big brother/big sister" who is the guest of honor. Cooking a special dinner and serving a brightly decorated cake with the words "big brother or big sister" on top can be a fun way to turn a normal day into a party. Hosting a "big brother, big sister" party for your child can be a fun way to spend time together before the new baby arrives and also send your child a message that the arrival of a new sibling is something to celebrate!

At the party, surprise your child with a big sister/brother tshirt wrapped as a gift to them (see below) or a big brother/sister photo album (I'M THE BIG BROTHER photo album by Gund - 4x6 or Baby GUND - Photo Albums - Big Sister Photo ) to put the pictures of them with their new brother/sister . You might also include an activity like having your child color a picture or make a card for their sibling, read a book about Sibling Rivalry, Big Brother/Sister, Welcoming new baby , or an I love you book (to remind your child that even though a new baby will be coming home your love for them will not change). You can tell them the story of when they were born.

Prior to the party, decorate a big box with wrapping paper and fill it with small gifts (or items you already have) to keep big brother/sister busy when the new sibling comes home and mom/dad's hands are full feeding or bathing the baby. The night of the big brother/sister party, give the decorated box filled with goodies. You can explain that there will be times they can be a "helper" (taking pictures of the baby for you, singing to the baby, helping push the stroller, getting diapers, bib, coordinating baby's clothing, etc. There will also be times they can help by just playing quietly and using something from the "busy box" if mom/dad needs to feed/bath/change the baby. Some of the items for the busy box could include:

Crayons & coloring book	Tape recorder (tell the child to make up stories and tape them so you can play them at bedtime for the new baby)
Puppets	Games or Crafts, select those that can be played or done without mom's' help,
Bubble/Bubble Machine	Books about being a big brother/sister Sibling Rivalry, Big Brother/Sister, Welcoming new baby (explaining) ,  or see other books to read CJKidz books or Classic Books on CD
Stickers/Stamp Set	Disposable or toy camera ( to take pictures of mom and the new baby....see our Gifts for Kidz Page for the camera. Organize the pictures in the I'M THE BIG BROTHER photo album by Gund - 4x6 or Baby GUND - Photo Albums - Big Sister Photo so they can brag to friends, grandparents etc.
Jump rope	DVDs about being part of a family or being a sibling (Search on Amazon under Kids & Family)
Play doh/silly putty	Building & Construction Toys

Depending on the age of the child, you may want to put the "busy box" up and out of sight and disburse the items when necessary.

Make your child as much of a helper or a part of the new baby as possible. As shown above under Sibling Rivalry.....When a new sibling is coming home, include the older child when caring for the baby. Say, "I'm going to change Ava's diaper. Do you want to bring your doll and diaper her too?" Or when it's time to feed the baby, tell the older child, "I'm going to feed Ava now. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat now too?"

But there will be times that your hands will be full, so the Boredom Busters Page which you can bookmark or add to you favorites so that you will have activity ideas at hand for your child during busy times. See Activity Books and Creativity for Kids to have on hand also:

More books & products on Sibling Rivalry, Big Brother/Sister, Welcoming new baby (explaining)